Tản mạn: On the new year's doorstep

It must be the special hustle and bustle in my city in the afternoon of a 28 Tet like today. There have been a lot of times when we don't get to enjoy the magical 29 Tet (I haven't the faintest idea about the lunar calendar, so don't ask me why); however, to me, when it comes to Tet, 28 is just about equal to 29. Once they all meant eagerness and jubilation.

Have I ever said that I hate shopping? Yet I walked around shops yesterday. Almost all places are blanketed in the festival ambiance, but in this country the ambiance is the same on any holiday - National Day, Mid-Autumn, Christmas, New Year... you name it. It is simply not Tet, despite the fact that shopping centers are decorated with red ornament (they try to make it Chinese, it looks pretty much like X'mas though), and that hundreds of queues in front of cashiers are showing myriad smiling eyes and rosy cheeks.

Around the cannot-be-any-smaller table where I'm sitting, apparently it doesn’t appear to be an extraordinary day. Out of the window, cars and buses are running, the neighbors are as reserved as they've always been, and few weak rays of sunlight are trying to pierce the falling dusk. Inside the house, time stands still.

I've been burying myself in "The Time Traveler's Wife" since early morn', and the prelude goes, "It's hard being left behind... It's hard to be the one who stays. I kept myself busy. Time goes faster that way." I'm helping myself get used to the sound of suitcases hauled off along bricked paths towards cab stands - undeniably, it's always nice to be home, and so, hard to resist thinking about it when you're alone in a big house. I used to scoff at the thought of holing up in a corner on such a big occasion; yet now I'm looking at my impractical shoes, small purses that can't even hide a folded umbrella, shrugging my shoulders, and for no reason I like the ideas of continuing to give myself a haircut while waiting for the kettle to boil, of having a simple dinner with bread, pickles, and a mug of milk, and of leaving my hair damp from washing while crawling around the house to find something to shoot with my old-fashioned camera. It sounds pathetic, but unexpectedly those are the things that can now pierce me with some excitement.

It doesn't feel like Tet at all. When something is in the air but not in your soul, it isn't what you might want to live for. I'll let my attention wander for a while, and who knows, Tet may be back soon. Very soon.

Photo: Carnation

(Given by the audience - Gentle Night 20-01-2007)

Everyone made the night

A bouquet of fragrant carnation flowers made it last

Something to remember by

Something to color the dark...

Photo: 2007

2007. All I need is some soup!

Photo: In the limelight

I can't be serious these days, and I'm busy - busy seeing off the last gloomy days of gloomy 2006. Can't think of any more "tản văn". Perhaps dealing with all crappy stuff in life is too much, or perhaps I've been so addicted to Flickr that refreshing Flickr pages has been my pastime :-|. Long story short, when I concentrate on work, it's work that matters, and when I have spare time, Flickr it is! See, my life is simple: my humble camera is my boyfriend, and Flickr is the back-up :)).

This photo is the first to receive that many good comments. "Nghệ thuật là ánh trăng lừa dối", the flower wasn't as good as it may seem, and what surrounded it was... Well, you may not want to know :-|. I took great efforts to shoot this despite the heavy rain, so whatever it is, I love it together with all the comments. Anyway, a close Flickr friend says it's so typical of me, so of my style. I might try to figure out what is considered as a not-my-style thing and pursue it, you know, for a change.

Rainy days will soon be over, and I shall take a shot of a rainbow...

What's in it for me?

It's just nothing at all - New Year, Christmas tree, all the rush, all the sparkling ornament... They ain't shine in my eyes. What's in it for me? It's freaking hot here and never is there a sign of a snowy winter like that in Walt Disney's cartoons. In fact, the festive sparkle belongs to us, not vice versa. It's thus so not right to say that we're happy 'cos someone cries out loud, "Yeah baby, it's Christmas time!", or because of the series of cheerful Christmas songs played repeatedly in every shop. Every holiday is just an occasion to be happy for happy people. It appears ordinary to the rest.

People look forward to having some days off, gathering in homecoming parties, drinking, and getting themselves voluntarily in heaps of crowds on the street to share some fun. Oh boy, I simply yearn for silence, and look forward to another holiday, the one that still remains shrouded in mystery. I wish I knew when it'll come. This is like a scene where everything is cloaked by the mist in the early morning. Just one damn fact is that it isn't early morning anymore. Pissed off.

Photo: Just me

I'm so gonna hike
If that's what it takes
To reach the light...

Wait

Waiting too long spoils almost everything.



It makes every day longer and meaningless. "Have a nice day!" is a bye-bye thing which is on the tip of one's tongue, yet you can't believe it anymore when what you're waiting for hasn't shown up. Yesterday wasn't nice, neither is today, nah, it's a no-no. It is exhausting and you just don't even bother anything or anyone around you. At all.



It makes you think. Yeah, you're getting more miserable merely because you think too much. When will it come? When? When? When? This goes on and on, and even it intrudes into your dreams. "Damn it! I can't have even a minute of peace in a day," you mumble when waking up in the middle of the night.



It makes you feel lost. Right, you don't know where you're going and how your life is gonna be. It is too big a challenge that not only once have you thought that you can't handle it. You're overwhelmed, and on your toes, you wonder about in the dark, with your hands reachin' out to find a door. You don't know, do you? Lost and alone, you think you failed. Yet that never helps you out, subsequently you stand up and continue. Till now, you haven't found the way out, you know for sure you have to on your own, though you're still often feeling down.



If waiting is that unpleasant, why waiting? Well, when waiting you have a hope. Though a hope might forever be a hope, you're probably on track. A belief might mislead you, but a hope keeps you alive.